From the time Bella was born, Matt and I knew that we wanted our children to have a rich life experience...and that it wasn't going to come from spending 7-8 hours a day at school. And even though we were not homeschooled ourselves, it was something that we were excited about and embraced with open arms.

But the term homeschooling is quite broad and it became somewhat overwhelming to navigate our options. As Bella approached that "magical age of 5"...we felt pressure to make a decision on a curriculum and get busy learning.

Have you ever noticed how ramped up everyone gets when kids enter kindergarten? It’s like everything before then was a cake walk…their kid was just slacking off until one day BAM, they’re 5 and it’s time to get serious about learning. Letters! Numbers! Reading! Writing! Stress enters the picture and hysteria ensues. * Child's Play / The Art of Learning

However, the more I researched, the more I found that none of the curriculum were clicking with me. Fellow homeschooling friends would recommend different ideas....something else kept drawing me in. And that something was something called "unschooling".

What is unschooling?

Unschooling is a lifestyle of learning. It is a type of homeschooling, but we do not "do school" at home. There are no workbooks, no desks, no memorization, no set "time" for school, and no tests. The child is FREE to pursue their own interests. Over the years, we have morphed into what I would call “hybrid unschooling”. I really hate labeling it at all…we just live our life LOL :) But this term might help you understand.

Mary Griffith, author of The Unschooling Handbook, defined unschooling this way, ‘[it] means learning what one wants, when one wants, in the way one wants, for one’s own reasons. Choice and control reside with the learner. She may find outside help in the form of parents, mentors, books, or formal lessons, but [she] is the one making the decisions about how best to proceed. Unschooling is trusting that your children are at least as clever and capable as you are yourself.’ (source)

Does this mean that we never helped her in her journey of learning and she is just left to figure it all out on her own? No. As her parents, we are responsible for coming alongside her as a partner and providing learning opportunities based on interests...and guiding her when she asks. So much of learning is is based around play. But if our girls express interest in something...we will do whatever we can to help them explore that interest.

For example, she is very interested in interior design. We checked out 30 books from the library on home design (ok...really I liked those too!), we researched and sent for a course catalog from a design school in New York, and I found an interior designer in Denver that she can mirror for day. We spend time at night looking through design magazines and creating mood boards. Lastly, we watched A LOT of HGTV and analyzed terminology that professional designers use and the different trends in design today.

The biggest difference from traditional homeschooling is that we are not actively "teaching" her. She is learning on her own by following her interests and passions. She is learning because she WANTS to.

If we're sitting watching the sunset, we don't launch into a quiz session about the earth's rotation and the solar system. We sit and enjoy it together and IF she asks questions about it (which she usually does!), we can start to discuss it, but it's not a parent-initiated.

Unschooling as a Lifestyle

For our family, unschooling is a natural extension of the parenting style that we have chosen. Attachment parenting and gentle discipline respects and nurtures the child...and we've found that unschooling does the same. This is not to be confused with permissive parenting or no discipline at all. Children do need lots of guidance as they grow. A typical unschooling family may allow many things that we do not, because of our belief in Christ. We believe that the Bible clearly defines our roles as parents…and it is one of loving but firm guidance and discipline.

Our primary goal is to raise our girls to love the Lord and know the Bible well. Which includes honoring their parents. This is where we differ from many authors and unschooling families that may promote more permissive behaviors. Unschooling is definitely not one size fits all!

We have always tried to listen to them and take them seriously, and use LOTS of talking and connection as a means to understand their needs.

We enjoy a very easy "flow" to our family life.

While it is not completely free of conflict, we have taken some of the common struggles (sleep and food) out of the picture.

For bedtimes…now that the girls are older, we try to teach them to treat their body well by finding a good bedtime routine. They are aware that if they stay up too late reading and the night before…they will be tired the next day.

We now have daily rhythm to our life that encourages a consistent bedtime and wake up. This works well for us now… Especially with farm chores. But when the girls were younger…bedtimes were all over the place. But we never forced them to stay in their rooms or made hard and fast rules about bedtime. We loved having a family bed and our girls slept in our bedroom with us for many years. Our “rule” was that if you decided to stay up later…you couldn’t disturb anyone else in the family.

We also don't have a lot of restrictions surrounding when we can eat food. We do have family meal times, but if someone is hungry before or after a meal or even after teeth have been brushed, we eat.  Basically, we treat her with the same respect that we would a guest in our home.

I do, however, have ideals that I like followed when it comes to WHAT they are eating. We rarely keep sugary foods or candy in the house, so it’s not a temptation. But unlike some radical unschoolers (which we are not)…our girls are not allowed to eat whatever they want. Dyes, high fructose corn syrup, seed oils, etc are all avoided because they are poison to our bodies. I want the girls to understand the correlation between what they put in their body and how they feel…so we eat a wide variety of nourishing foods. When we go out and have a treat…they know their limits of what they can have and still feel good.

What about "socialization"?

This is one of the questions that comes up a lot...and it's good to stop and really think about what the word socialization means.

Socialization defined: "a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position".

Being socialized doesn't sound like something I want for my children. I want them to think OUTSIDE the box, not learn how to follow the "rules" of social position.

What it boils down to, is that school is not teaching children about the real world at all. It does just the opposite. Instead of hanging out with children of the same age all day long, my girls have learned how to converse and enjoy the company of all ages. They can just as easily have a long conversation with an 85 year old widow at church as they can with a 10 year old at the library.

I sometimes forget that this isn’t “normal” until someone comments on how delightful they are…how polite and kind and smart. And then I’m reminded that it’s because of this very thing!

What about math?

I took college calculus. I don’t use ONE thing that I learned in that class. In fact, I don’t use much of what I learned in high school either. I do use math to cook, go shopping, and figure out how old I am (after you pass 30, you start to forget!) My point is that life-learned math is much more applicable to…well….life! And if you run into a situation where you need to divide 68345 by 27, I’m sure a calculator will be nearby. In the case of those who wish to become an engineer or delve into any other math related occupation, they can learn it as they need/want to. You may want to read this intriguing article about kids learning math easily when they control their own learning. And more interesting thoughts on math here.

My girls WANT to learn applicable math…and when they ask asking me to teach them, I do! Unschooling isn’t ignoring all teaching. We utilize The Good and The Beautiful as well as Outschool for things we want to learn about in a more structured way.

What about reading?

Children will learn to read naturally, ON THEIR OWN…in their own way that works for them. Age 7 is the ‘best’ age for children to start learning to read…and starting them before that can actually be detrimental to their reading habits in some cases. Joyce Fetterol puts forth the idea that “…schools place emphasis on [early] reading not because it’s the best way to learn but because it’s the most efficient way to run assembly line learning.”

It's been such a joy to witness Bella learning to read...completely organically. When she was 5 and 6, we tried using the 100 Lessons book for reading. It frustrated both of us and she decided she didn't want to do it any more. Throughout the next 2 years, she went through several phases of learning: writing in her journal (gibberish looking words), asking about words she saw while we were out, reading simple words while playing on the computer, writing letters to family and friends. At one point, she just decided she wanted to start reading books. So she would check out books from the library and we would go through them. 

I don't even remember the point where it tipped and she was reading everything. It just happened so naturally, without stress or coercion. It was likely around the age of 8 to 8 1/2 that she was reading Harry Potter books on her own. 

Reading is one of those things that makes other people REALLY uncomfortable. It's hard to trust the process when our schools are forcing kids to learn reading at such an early age. And that appears "normal". I prefer to let it happen EASILY. It should not cause undue stress. They will learn when they NEED to learn.

For more information on unschooling and reading…click here and here.

What about college?

If our children decide to go to college (and it would be fine if they didn’t)…they will learn what they need to learn to achieve that goal. There are many unschoolers doing fantastic in college right now…and there are many who decided to take a faster (and cheaper) route to their dreams.

What about learning discipline?

Discipline, as in SELF-discipline, cannot be forced upon a child. Like adults, it is born out of a passionate desire to achieve. For me, I have self-discipline in my eating because I am passionate about health. I have self-discipline in my language and lifestyle because I am passionate about trying to live like Jesus taught me. The discipline was learned on my own because I was excited about these things. It was not something I learned sitting in classroom by being forced to sit and take tests and raise my hand to use the restroom.

I have seen unschoolers study electronics, math, and science-related topics at length because it was interesting to them. Not because it was time for that on the curriculum. And they are thriving because of it.

What about the laws?

Each state has different laws regarding homeschooling. You can see each state’s regulations here.

That’s All Folks…

Those are my thoughts on unschooling in a nutshell.

If you have a general question about unschooling, you may want to check out the starred web links below before commenting…they cover a HUGE range of topics related to unschooling and your question is most likely addressed there.

If you are adamantly opposed to unschooling or homeschooling, please comment with a gentle spirit and know that this is what works for our family and we love it. We are not judging your choices…everyone needs to do what works best for them, and it’s definitely not for everybody.

*Please note that there are quite a few things within these resources below that I do not agree with. It’s quite difficult to find unschoolers who are also firmly rooted in a biblical foundation. And if they are claiming to follow Jesus, it’s often a bit skewed and taken out of context. BUT…there are many good thoughts about learning and how children in here. You can spit out the bones as you find them. ;-)

Web Resources That You Will Read For Hours
Joyfully Rejoycing
The Natural Child

Unschooling Book You Will Love
Teach Your Own / John Holt
The Unprocessed Child: Living Without School / Valerie Fitzenreiter
Parenting a Free Child: An Unschooled Life / Rue Kream

Learning Resources
Outschool
The Good and The Beautiful (this is the curriculum that we have…we don’t do it daily, nor do we follow the schedule. I didn’t do any curriculum at all with Bella, but we are trying this out and the girls enjoy it).